Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hillbilly Hunter

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Oklahoma and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn't like hillbillies. The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid Oklahoma hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its but t, and said "This duck ain't from Oklahoma. This is a Kansas duck. You got a Kansas huntin' license, boy?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kansas hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its but t, and said "This ain't no Kansas duck. This duck's from Arkansas. You got a Arkansas license?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Arkansas hunting license.

The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its but t, and said This ain't no Arkansas duck. This here duck's from South Carolina. You got a South Carolina huntin' license?"

Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a South Carolina hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly "Just where the hell are you from?"

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said "You tell me, expert."

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Be Very Quiet

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

A few minutes later the father heard a scream and ran Back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."

The boy, bless his heart, answered; "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

But when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, Should we eat them here or take them with us?'

"Well, I guess I just panicked..............."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Her Best Friend by Sarah Mayberry

Amy has been in love with her best friend Quinn forever. When her dream is about slip away he comes to and rescue.  Then he announces he's divorcing so it's time to make her move. I liked Her Best Friend. It was a fun quick read. It's a love story I could see happening in real life. There are no kids or babies.

I received free copies from Harlequin Ambassadors.

author website: http://www.sarahmayberry.com/

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Priceless

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and then cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping -- Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26

Hot Breakfast - $4.20

Red Rose bud -$3.00

Two Aspirins -$.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Pineapple Flop Cake

I tried a new recipe. My family said it was good which doesn't happen around here very often. So I had to share.

Pineapple Flop Cake

1 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
1 No. 2 can crushed pineapple (with juice)
   Mix all ingredients together (do not use mixer), blending well. Pour into greased and floured 13x9 inch pan and bake at 325 degrees for 35 minutes.  While still warm, pour icing over cake.

Icing
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 small can evaporated milk
1 cup coconut (optional)
1 stick margarine
   Mix all ingredients together and boil 10 minutes. Pour over cake.

Note: I didn't have a small can of evaporated milk. So I just guessed that it was half the size of the can I had. So I measured out 6 ounces. And it turned out really well.